If Michael Bay lays a finger on "The Baby", I'm-a fuck him up big time

Yes, in case you haven't heard, Michael Bay is continuing his assault on everything that mattered from my childhood by "relaunching" the Nightmare on Elm Street series from the beginning.

This of course follows the news that Bay's company, Platinum Dunes, is similarly "overhauling" the Friday the 13th franchise (which was overhauling itself already, from what I could tell) and has already redone The Hitcher, The Amityville Horror, and The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, and was also responsible for turning the Transformers - easily the most beloved cartoon and toy of my young years - into the loudest computer-generated abortion in history.

Of all of these projects, the only I liked was Chain Saw, and I credit most of that to Marcus Nispel (who is also helming the Friday remake, which sounds the most promising of the bunch). But really, Nightmare? Why remake genre-leveling perfection? What could possibly be improved upon ... Heather Langenkamp's acting aside? And Ronee Blakely's? And Amanda Wyss's? Okay, maybe they have a point ... but can they get Lyn Shaye back to reprise her career-defining role?!?!

What's next, you ask? Uh ... how about the Near Dark and The Birds remakes they have in the works? God almighty ... is it too early for Suzanne Pleshette to be rolling in her grave?

Needless to say, if Humbert doesn't get a call to try out for the new Freddy, he is gonna be PISSED...