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... consider this stocking stuffed. Again.

Yet again I have willingly wasted hours of my precious time to cull an assortment of atrocities from the World Wide Web for you, my cherished readership. Each items is actually available for purchase on the internet.

If you missed out on last year's fun, you can check it out HERE.

Enjoy!

Karma Chameleon Telephone
This telephone actually plays "Karma Chameleon" instead of ringing, and the plastic lizard-thingie gets up and dances. Unfortunately, the people who would purchase such a piece of shit would have no idea what either karma or chameleon means...

Cockring Christmas Ornament
What better way to tastefully recycle your old, worn-out cockrings than by turning them into delightful holiday baubles? Oh, that's right -- by not having them in the first place.

Bathhouse Beastiality Santa
Santa and his favorite reindeer (Vixen?) get all warm and cozy in this deeply unsettling Christmas decoration. Don't drop the soap, fella!

Kommunist Krayons
Feel your children (or, rather, your siblings' children) are being spoiled by too many color options? Treat them this year with this defiantly compartmentalized and glee-free set of 4 crayons. Children should learn at an early age to envision a world without Burnt Sienna, no?

Creepy Maltese Ornament Pins
Sure, they resemble harmless little mini-marshmallows with painted-on scowls -- but that doesn't make them any less evil.

Bling Revolver Charm
Nothing says "I love you, Nana" like a diamond-crusted pendant lovingly crafted in the shape of a deadly sidearm. Goes great with a howitzer brooch or gold-plated shank.

Hunter's Delight Christmas Ornaments
Nothing says "healing power of the love of Baby Jesus" like rifles, galoshes, camo vests, gutting knives, and plenty of ammo. Perfect for any tree topped with a taxidermied angel.

Yorkie Angel Monstrosity
Scratch the taxidermied angel -- this is easily the most horrifying thing you could possibly set atop your Douglas Fir this year. It could be an effigy of a lovable Yorkie terrier posing as a celestial being; it could be Chewbacca in drag. No one's really sure.

2-Liter Enema Bag
Looking for some inexpensive family fun this holiday season? Re-enact your favorite scenes from Sybil and Powertool 2 with this delighful enema kit. Now, not being a British, I can't say for sure how much 2 liters is. Actually, isn't that the size of one of those giant Coke bottles? Holy shit!

Bonesaw
For your more industrious friends. When a jigsaw isn't giving you the power you need and a chainsaw is too loud or messy, nothing works quite like a bonesaw for cutting up large pieces of waste. Like your boss.

Mariah Carey Makeup Kit
The package says Planet of the Apes, but we know better, don't we? Swan-diving musical career and genital warts not included.

The Golden Girls First Season DVD
Oh -- I see you've already got this one.

Fags...

Jim Nabors Records
Nothing says "I think you're old, deaf, and tasteless" like a Jim Nabors record. Who knew that the beloved Gomer Pyle was so... multi-retarded? I recommend "It Is No Secret (that I hate contractions)" and his Christmas album, but they all really suck equally.

Big Shirl's House of Bling Playset
No fucking joke. This Mary-Kate and Ashely Olsen doll playset was released in conjunction with their cinematic triumph, New York Minute. Mincing homosexual stereotypes, minstrel show castoffs, and sassy back-talk not included. Omigod -- I, like, totally feel blacker already!!

Scale-Replica Dead Pet Urns
Nothing says "I'll never forgive you for running over our dog, and we're totally never having sex again" like a lifelike (although tiny) replica of the dead loved one perched upon a cheap wooden box filled with his cremated remains. Or use it to store coffee!

Christmas Condoms
Stuff Santa up your chimney whether he likes it or not this year -- and throw in the tree to boot! I'm sorry, but these don't look the least bit comfortable -- use with plenty of lubricant and even more eggnog.