Punish This!
So a dear friend bought me The Punisher DVD for Christmas, knowing that mama need her Thomas Jane fix or she get squirrely, and shit. So imagine my surprise when the movie didn't totally suck for several reasons:

1. Thomas Jane is shirtless for literally half of the film. I'll ignore his extremely bizarre chest-hair pattern, which makes it look like they waxed his stomach and got bored before they got past his nipples.
2. The movie itself is so hysterically uneven that you'll burst out laughing every ten minutes: we go from slapstick to brutal torture to family drama to exploding cars in the flip of a switch. People actually get thrown in front of trains. Brilliance.
3. There's a gay character. Yes, in a bizarre twist, one of the lead baddies is a sadistic homo who delights in ripping facial piercings out of local losers when he's not making out with Armani models under bridges. It's nice to see the fag on the safe end of Mr. Pointy for a change -- although he does get his comeuppance eventually, in an oddly touching murder scene that is utterly out-of-place in an otherwise loud, nasty movie. Plus, he's kinda hot, in a sick demented sadist sort of way...
4. Did I mention Thomas Jane takes his shirt off? Mmm...

Happy New Year, and All That
It's been a great year, folks! Well, maybe not for horror movies, but for me! Well, maybe not for me either. For America! Ooh -- scratch that. Forgot about that whole business in November... um... fuck it, just get wasted and pray for death. Again...

I leave you with my favorite image of the year. May you all still have openings worth filling in 2005.

Much love,
Buzz

Phantom of the Crapera
I honestly don't know if I'll have the energy to write a full review of the toilet-clogging monster turd that is Andrew Lloyd Webber's Phantom of the Opera, but I did want to warn anyone who might have even the slightest interest in the film to steer far and clear of what is easily the worst movie I have seen in the last 10 years. Essentially Van Helsing set to music, this movie is loud, boring, clumsy, stupid, and wholly uninteresting. I can't fucking believe I sat throught the entire thing, and apologize profusely to my moviegoing companion for suggesting that we go in the first place, and then not having the decency to allow him to sleep through the debacle (I woke him up twice out of sheer terror at what I was witnessing on the screen -- Vogueing in a period drama!! Drum machines!! Dracula 2000 -- SINGING!!).

Please, people -- friends don't let friends see Phantom.

This is Your Final Boarding Announcement
I'll be closing voting for the Skullies Peephole's Choice Awards on Friday, so get your ballots in, peeps! For those of you who didn't see all the films up for this esteemed award, Anacondas and Open Water both came out on video this week -- check out the hot men, in the name of posterity. Or posteriors -- take your pick. Scroll down a few entries for the full list of nominees and get yer vote in before the 31st!

The Phantom Menace
I don't know about you, but I can't fucking wait to go see the relentless shit-orgy that undoubtedly is Joel Schumacher's Andrew Lloyd Webber's My Second's Cousin's Baby Sister Tracy's Babydaddy's Phantom of the Opera. The reviews are pouring in, and they're some of the most scathing (and cretive -- my favorite combination) of the year. Here's a sampling:

"...feels like little more than a 2+ hour promotional video for perfume, jewelry, corsets and curtains."
-- Scott Weinberg, efilmcritic.com

"Now I know why, besides Lon Chaney, the best screen version of The Phantom of the Opera is the silent one. No one sings in it."
-- Jeffrey Westhoff, Northwest Herald

"Combines fingernails-on-blackboard audio agony with bamboo-under-fingernails physical torture."
-- Carrie Rickey, Philadelphia Daily News

"On the boards The Phantom of the Opera was bloated kitsch; now, thanks to Schumacher, it's hysterically bloated kitsch."
-- Frank Swietek, One Guy's Opinion

"Like being trapped in the frilly bedroom of an absurdly romantic, borderline psychotic 13-year-old girl for nearly two and a half hours."
-- Mary F. Pols, Contra Costa Times

Granted, I have never heard of a single one of these people, so their opinions should matter as much as... well, mine. Scratch that. What does Leonard Maltin think?!

Vote or Die. I Mean It
Don't forget to cast your vote for the first annual Skullies Peephole's Choice Awards, honoring the best, worst, and gayest of horror for the past year. The results so far are actually somewhat surprising, but there's plenty of time for the tide to turn and those Red States to get involved. In which case I'll end up on fire somewhere.

Anyway... polls will be open through next week, so check out the nominees in the post below and cast your vote! Be a part of history, people!

And possibly win free shit. That's really what it's about.

The First Annal Peephole's Choice Awards!
Well, kids – it’s time to pause, take a quiet moment, and look back at the year we’ve survived (read: thus begins the litany of holiday parties, spiked eggnog, and champagne that will render us all but useless through January). In honor of living through another lunar cycle, I’m pleased to announce that CampBlood.org will be honoring the Best, the Worst, and the downright Faggiest Fright Films of 2004 in the next few weeks. As a part of the First Annual Skullies, I’m proud to lay out the nominees for the Peepholes’ Choice Awards, which will be granted special consideration as the official word from the Homo Horror community on what made it, broke it, and just plain sucked it for this year. There will be no "absentee ballots", no "pregnant chads" (I ran it by Chad; the very idea disgusted him) -- just the whiskey-scented and raspy voice of the people. I've randomly selected some photos of nominees, for no particular reason. Ahem.

Drum machine roll, please…

Peepholes’ Choice Nominees for the First Annual CampBlood.org Skullies Awards for Excellence in Horror Filmmaking, Innovation in Casseroles, and General Malaise

1. Best Horror Film
Open Water
Shaun of the Dead
The Grudge
Ginger Snaps: Unleashed
The Machinist

2. Worst Horror Film
Van Helsing
Saw
Dawn of the Dead
Godsend
Baby Geniuses 2: Superbabies

3. Worst Sequel
Exorcist: The Beginning
Seed of Chucky
Anacondas
Alien vs. Predator
Resident Evil: Apocalypse

4. Horror Hottie of the Year
Johnny Messner (Anacondas)
Ryan Reynolds (Blade Trinity)
Jason Behr (The Grudge)
Daniel Travis (Open Water)
Will Kemp (Van Helsing)
*note: landslide-assured Hugh Jackman of Van Helsing was eliminated for sporting the worst wig of the year

5. Horror Hoochie of the Year
Jessica Biel (Blade Trinity)
Sarah “Don’t Call Me Buffy, Bitch!” Gellar (The Grudge)
Blanchard Ryan (Open Water)
Rebecca Romjin (Godsend)
Milla Jovovich (Resident Evil: Apocalypse)

6. Horror Homo of the Year
Don Mancini (Seed of Chucky)
Paul Etheredge-Ouzts (Hellbent)
Alan Rowe Kelly (I’ll Bury You Tomorrow)
Sharon Ferranti (Make a Wish)
John Waters (Seed of Chucky)

7. Eli Roth Award for Disparate Ratio of Exposure to Talent
Lucky McKee (May, The Woods)
Dave DeCoteau (The Brotherhoods, Leeches)
James Wan (Saw)
Rob Zombie (House of 2000 Corpses)
Chris Kentis (Open Water)
Eli Roth

8. Gayest Horror Film or Event of the Year
Write-In. Make it sassy, people!

Please send your selections to skullies@campblood.org. The best responses to #8 and a few random entrants will be selected to win horror goodies, and category winners will be announced with my own Best and Worst of the Year, for anyone who cares to listen to the ramblings of a drunk sissy.

Jason, Behr

Mrs. Morrisette at Home
(Ryan Reynolds)

Hey -- How'd You Get in Here?!

Look -- There's a Sale at Penny's!
I'm thrilled to announce that there's a special holiday sale going on over at the sweatshop -- I mean, merchandiser -- that sells the official CampBlood.org merch. In honor of the holidays, I've added some special new items, like the exclusive Misty Thong, seen at the right. Remember, people -- nothing says "healing power of Christ's love" like intimate wear.

To enjoy the savings and help support this goofy little site, click HERE.

The Phunky Phantom
So if you're like me, you're thrilled to see the new Joel Schumacher-directed Phantom of the Opera movie because it has "guaranteed train-wreck" written all over it. The soundtrack is now out on CD, and since most musical soundtracks sound like the same old whiny shit to me, I consulted a legitimate Theatre Fag friend of mine to give me a quick review of the recording. Here's what he had to say:

First off, it's very poorly produced. It basically sounds like they took the Original Broadway Cast Recording and stuck even worse singers on it, which isn't easy to do considering you had Michael Crawford and Sarah Brightman warbling on the first one. Everyone sounds pretty much like crap, except Patrick Wilson, who is an excellent singer but who here seems as though he's been coached to sound like he's in a boy-band -- all breathy and young. Minnie Driver, who plays Carlotta, doesn't have the voice of an opera singer, so she's the only actor who doesn't do her own singing. But of course, being the diva that she is, she had to have something on the album to promote her new solo record, so there's a new song recorded for the end credits that features Minnie Driver actually singing, which makes no since as she doesn't sing anywhere else in the movie. Emmy Rossum's Christine sounds asthmatic -- most of her performance is a high-pitched whistle and isn't the least bit attractive. And Gerard Butler as the Phantom sounds like he's singing in a German accent and apparently smokes way too much -- it's awful. It's obvious that Schumacher cast the prettiest people he could find in the hopes of seeing them in a threesome and had no regard for vocal ability.

So there you have it, folks -- from the mouths of Broadway Babes. Less Chicago, more Evita. I'll still be there to ogle the set dressing.

The Voluptuous Horror of Vicki Lawrence
Since it's a bit slow on the horror front this week (read: I've been in a week-long pastry-and-booze hole that has left me all but unable to lift my head from my desk), I thought I'd share with you some of the inner workings of CampBlood.org: namely, the kinds of freakazoids that my little site attracts. See, since moving to my wonderful new hosting company I am privy to all the search strings that lead random strangers to these hallowed pages.

Yes, kids -- every time you type "naked pauly shore kumquat training wheel shawshank" into your favorite search engine and click on a link, your search criteria is passed on to the site that you visit as a result. What does this mean? Two things: one, that a shitload of otherwise perfectly nice people have somehow ended up here and have likely been scarred forever. Two, I have a window into some truly deranged minds. Read below for actual search criteria...

"carson zhuzh"
Can you imagine the poor Queer Eye queen who logged on looking for pearls of wisdom from fashion-mantis Carson Kressley and instead ended up at my review of God Told Me To? Armani Exchange just lost a sale.

"freeway fiddler"
I'm delighted that some sad soul somewhere found their way to my loving write-up of the fabulous Death Car on the Freeway. Unless they were really looking for a fiddler who plays highways, in which case they're shit out of luck.

"adventures of Milo and Otis animal cruelty"
Read the Tintorera review: it's all there, people.

"somnambulance"
Someone doing research on sleepwalking ended up at my bitchy pun in the review of the incredibly boring Unhinged and swooned with rapture at my masterful control of the English language. Or they cursed me, snorted more Ritalin, and kept studying.

"vicki lawrence cleavage"
The product of a truly deranged mind.

"legolas blow up doll"
Either this person is actually looking for a sex toy that looks like an elf, or he misspelled "legless"; either possibility is humbling.

"words to the pina colada song"
My best friend was fellated by a middle-aged waitress to this song, so if you were going to find these lyrics anywhere, it may as well be here. But you won't. Actually, I don't know how the fuck this led anybody here.

"evan farmer gay"
A brilliant case of "guilt by association". Many folks looking for clues to While You Were Out host Evan Farmer's sexuality have found themselves here, even though I never make any claim to know. That said, have you seen the way he and Jason look at each other?!?!

"officer officer where's your brother"
One of my favorite club-kid-era bitchtracks, I used this title in a photo caption for my interview with Alan Rowe Kelly, and in doing so seduced some poor soul to my site, wasting up to a full minute of his precious vogueing time.

"eye knife raven"
Part of the hot tarot mantra from Sweet Sweet Rachel, unless a poor speller is looking for shots of Raven Simone being shanked.

"pics julia louis-dreyfus naked troll"
I'm assuming that they mean pics of Julia Louis-Dreyfus naked in the movie Troll, not that she resembles a troll when naked. But I'm just assuming.

"is doug wilson of trading spaces gay?"
Does a frog have a water-tight asshole? Well, that's more than we can say for Doug.

"crotch shots sam elliot"
Yes, my review of The Legacy is full of references to Mr. Elliot's breadbasket. But that doesn't make it right.

"key huy quan shirtless"
Fifty bucks says this was Corey Feldman.

Buzz is Pretty!
...Pretty Scary, that is! I'm honored as a crossing guard with a perfect record to have been invited to host the Queer Fear column on the women-in-horror site Pretty-Scary.com. My first essay went up yesterday, and I invite you to check out the glamorous, exceedingly entertaining site, as well as my own sissy contribution. Now, you may be asking, "what the Sam Hell is Buzz doing writing on a site for and about women?". The answer? I am one. No, not really. I guess the lovely ladies behind Pretty-Scary -- Heidi Martinuzzi, Jennifer Whidlin, and Amy Lynn Best -- figured that we sissies love our Final Girls almost as much as the ladies... whatever their reasoning (my check should arrive any day, Heidi...), I'm thrilled to be a part of what promises to be an exciting and informative horror venture.

The Year Ends Not with a Bang, but a Whimper
So in a flurry of computer-animated fluff and bloated action films (not to mention bloated action stars -- yes, Mr. Cage, I'm speaking to you), 2004 draws to a close with only 2 horror films left to bow: the much-anticipated Spanish supernatural thriller Darkness (starring Lena Olin and Anna Paquin as the hottest mother and daughter since Betsy Palmer and Erin Gray), and the somewhat-anticipated final installation in Wesley Snipes' mortgage, Blade: Trinity. Now, since I've already seen both of these (click to read my Darkness review and my Trinity review), I'll be taking the next few weeks to reflect on the year past (read: marathon drinking) and drumming up some new crazy shit for the site (read: writing while on crack). I'll be posting the nominees for the First Annual CampBlood.org Skullies Awards for Excellence in Horror Filmmaking, Innovation in Casseroles, and General Malaise Peepholes' Choice Awards -- yes, YOU can vote for the best of the year! -- as well as beating the whole "Christmas horror movies" horse to death, like every other damn site.

Fag Football: the New Horror
So I figured it was about time to check out the ol' Script Sales site and see what'll be in the pike for the next year or so. And guess what? It's all remakes!! Here's a sampling of horrific happenings coming yer way...

The Evil Dead (remake of the Sam Raimi film)
Five twentysomething friends are holed up in a remote cabin and discover a Book of the Dead. When an archaeologist's taped translation of the text and its incantations is replayed, the kids accidentally summon dormant demons that possess them.

The Tingler (remake of the William Castle film)
A scientist, in the search for a medical cure for fear, unleashes the Tingler, an entity that kills its victims with fear.

The Invisible (remake of the Swedish film)
Two young teens' real selves are invisible to others, one due to his untimely death and the other is invisible due to the neglect she's endured since the death of her mother.

Doll Master (remake of the Korean film)
A group of dolls take on the lives of their owners after they're dead.

Saw 2 (sequel to the bad film)
A psychopath kidnaps victims and forces them to play horrific games so that they can learn the value of life.

The Strangers (NOT a remake!)
Three mysterious strangers terrorize a young couple in a remote house after they return from a wedding.

Plague (NOT a remake; Clive Barker will produce)
A mysterious apocalypse has left the world's children comatose and unresponsive. Trouble starts when the grownup kids wake up and lash out against their parents.

and my personal favorite:

Real Men
An impromptu small-town football game which pits gay against straight attracts worldwide attention. NOTE: John Landis will direct. Yes, the John Landis. Yes, the one who made Thriller.

I'm Just Mad About Saffron...
Someone PLEASE tell me this is true: the trash-as-trash-can Page Six gossip column reported yesterday that actress Saffron Burrows (most recently seen in Troy as... some woman in a toga) has recently moved in with lesbian lover Fiona Shaw (most recently seen in Harry Potter and Prisoner of Azkaban -- yes, the Harry Potter, as Aunt Petunia!). Now, last I had heard Saffron was dishing it to onetime - or rather, threetime - director/boyfriend Mike Figgis (Timecode, The End of Sexual Inncoence, Hotel), but apparently Fiona and Saffy have been together for quite some time now and the move-in is just the next step in an established relationship. See, this is what happens when women don't go to liberal arts colleges and become LUGs like the rest of the straight girls -- although Cynthia Nixon's recent switch to the dark side can certainly be held at least partially accountable for this recent rash of unchecked lesbianism. What if Hollywood actors started doing the same thing? What if Bruce Boxleitner and Nick Nolte suddenly left their spouses to shack up together, adopt a few foreign babies, and start a line of tasteful yet resonably-priced denim jackets for dogs? Ah, well -- I say we sheer on Safs and Fiona regardless. After all, I for one have been dying for an excuse to put Deep Blue Sea on the Homo Horror Guide...

New Swag!
Just a quick note to remind all you pagan heathen perverts that Christmas is coming up and that NOTHING is more welcome under the tree than some CampBlood.org swag. In honor of the holidays, I've drawn up some new items in the Company Store that feature our new characters, with more to come! You know your Nana's just aching for an Anchorwoman in Peril coffee mug...

Click HERE for the yumminess, and remember there's always a link to the store on the Main Page.

And Boy, Are My Arms Tired...
Yes, I was away for a few days there, but I had good reason: yes, I, your faithful correspondent, took his life into his own faggy little hands by traveling to a Red State mere days after the debacle that was November 2nd. And yes, I am happy to report that God is still punishing the denizens of Florida for their behavior by cursing them with Pentacostal hair, enormous rumps, and a stunning lack of high-end footwear merchandisers. That said, I had a hell of a good time taking in such sights as the Skull Kingdom Haunted Attraction (which featured such delights as a killer clown boxing-bag room and a tribute to Hellraiser), Universal's Islands of Adventure (the Jurassic Park ride sucks but the Spiderman ride is truly Amazing -- check out the package on Spidey -- in 3-D!!), the Wonderworks upside-down house fun-fair, and a few of Orlando's gay bars (Lee's Underground, which featured a free jukebox and reruns of Desperate Housewives, definitely took the cake). Yes, I'm sorry that I left you homos without any horror movie dish for a few days. No, I'll never do it again.

About Last Night...
Needless to say, we're all fucked. But what else is new? It'll work out -- I'm giving all my medicated friends Taxi Driver for Christmas...

Hallowinners
Well I don't know about you, but Halloween treated me like a rented bitch -- with parties and costumes and Filipino Karaoke bars and concerts to see to, I'm as tuckered as a... well, just tuckered. But I am very, very pleased to announce the winners of the first ever CampBlood.org contest! Drum machine roll please...

First Place: Carey Snowden! Hailing from Chapel Hill, our lovely winner will be the hottest sissy on the block when he decks out his sodomy pad with a fabulous vintage horror movie poster! Also included are a CampBlood.org t-shirt (want yer own? Click here and cough up the green!), and a loaf of my home-baked pumpkin bread. Atkins be damned, bitches!
Second Place: the aptly-named Patrick from Dallas (no relation to Frederick of Hollywood) will have minutes upon minutes of quality entertainment next time he hosts a neighborhood function with one of a selection of homo-rific horror DVDs. Patrick will also be macking a CampBlood.org t-shirt and a flavored condom... root beer!
Third Place: Michael Hedges of somewhere west of New Jersey is our proud caboose (ahem), pulling up the rear in this fun-filled and overly-elaborate undertaking. He'll be enjoying a CampBlood.org t-shirt and whatever else I can find under my sofa.

Congrats to the winners, and thanks to all who played! I'll be back tomorrow with more stuff.

Chucky Has Two Daddies
Not to draw any unneeded attention to a personal choice, but I just got around to reading the Seed of Chucky article in the new Fangoria, and director Don Mancini full-on comes out in his interview! And I don't mean just queens out and makes a reference to Muriel's Wedding or reveals that he drinks Mike's Hard Lemonade or anything like that -- here's the quote:

Certainly as a gay man, I had a very contentious relationship with my father that I would say is reflected, in a satirical, parodying way.

Now, I had pegged this production as a sausage-fest from the get-go, what with the cameo by John Waters and the gender-confusion storyline. But I want to give a huge shout-out to Mancini (who wrote all of the Child's Play movies) for such a brave and breezy acknowledgement of his sexuality in what is doubtless the biggest and most commerically-marketed horror publication in the country (and beyond....). Damn -- when I called the magazine Fagoria last week for having the Gayest Issue Ever, I hadn't actually read the articles or anything...

NYC Horror Film Festival: Oy, My Arse
So I spent about 27 hours watching horror films over the last 4 days, and boy is my ass tired. It's amazing how much just sitting on your duff can exhaust you. I'll be following up in the next week with a detailed account of my misadventures at the fest, which was certainly an impressive 3rd year (droves of people were turned away due to space limitations). On the whole, Cube: Zero was my favorite feature, with The Silvergleam Whistle prancing away with my vote for best short -- it blew most of the competition away (although there were a few more gems in there). Keep posted for reviews/recaps of The Last Horror Movie, The Great American Snuff Film, Satan's Little Helper, and more (for my review of Toolbox Murders, which I had already seen, click HERE).

Very Unhappy Birthday to Us
My dear friend Bryan got a hold of the DVD of the slasher classic Happy Birthday to Me a few days early and cued me in to a horrifying fact: the ENTIRE SCORE has been replaced with a shitty bunch of early-80s disco/pop tunes that absolutely obliterate the creepy tone of the original. Remember the beautiful piano theme from the beginning of the film, over the simple titles and exterior winter shots of the campus? Eh-eh. Now it's a lousy (and probably Canadian) pop song called "Out of the Blue" that completely undercuts the wonderful atmosphere of the original and makes the film seem cheap and trashy, which it isn't. I guess after they announced the absolutely horrific Photoshop for Dummies cover art we really shouldn't be surprised what they might have done to the movie, but this is inexcuseable and an insult to the people involved with the film and its loyal fans. DO NOT -- I repeat, DO NOT BUY THIS DVD. Spread the word -- tell your friends, write letters, whatever. Fuck, if you want a copy of the original I'll make you one from my VHS tape -- just don't allow anyone's first experience of this classic movie be from this tacky knock-off.

NYC Horror Film Festival Kickoff!
So the kickoff party for the NYCHFF last nite at Don Hill's was a blast with an impressive queer cache: besides screening an extended preview of the upcoming gay vampire flick Dead Serious (check out my set visit HERE), there were appearances by the gender-bending band The Dead Betties and a host of homo horror film folks, including the ever-erascible Alan Rowe Kelly (I'll Bury You Tomorrow, Dead Serious), Joe Sullivan (Dead Serious), and Twisted director Seth Donsky (who has a clever short called Loopy in the fest). Aside from that, genre eye-candy abounded, including Warrington Gillette (Jason from Friday the 13th Part 2) and Brandon Johnson (from last year's feature winner, Malevolence). Felissa Rose (Sleepaway Camp, Satan's Playground) was a gracious and charming co-hostess (Brini Maxwell for the slasher set?) and Jeff Lieberman (Satan's Little Helper, Squirm) and Bill Lustig (Maniac, the Blue Underground DVD label) dropped by to check out the mayhem that fest heads Michael Hein and Anthony Pepe drummed up this year. Tune in later this weekend as I, strung out on coffee and Balance Bars from the corner deli, will provide you with a nerd's-eye view of the rest of the fest (check out the official site for programs and tickets).

I Saw, I Came, I Laughed
So I just got out of a screening of the new horror flick Saw that everyone has been buzzing about, and I have to say this: I have never seen such raucous laughter at a horror film in my life -- and I saw Anacondas. While the film almost redeems itself in the last scene, the performances of the real "actors" (Carey Elwes, Danny Glover, and Monica Potter) are so ridiculous that the movie teeters on the verge of absolute disaster for about 20 minutes. Oddly, genre vet Shawnee Smith (The Blob remake) and newcomer (and screenwriter) Leigh Whannell fare much better. Expect a review in the coming days -- but don't expect the disturbing film the credits are touting.

The Grudge vs. Fruit of the Loom
A quick note to let you know that I just got back from a screening of The Grudge (the Sam Raimi-produced remake), and while it pales slightly in comparison to the originals (check out my reviews of them HERE), it does feature one marked improvement: the inclusion of Roswell's Jason Behr in cotton running shorts. 45 seconds of thin fabric hugging the buns of this little genre fave is all that this bitch needed to get him through the night! I'll be posting a generally positive review in the next day or so. In the meantime, here's a little pic at the right of Jason playing gay in Victor Salva's Rites of Passage (Victor of course also helmed Jeepers Creepers and its sequel, which is certainly in the top 5 gayest horror films of all time). Oh yeah -- did I mention Buffy is in this film?

Fagoria?
If you've picked up the recent issue of Fangoria, you might note that it could be considered their Gayest Issue Ever, what with the gender-bending Seed of Chucky on the cover and a huge spread on the homo horror flick Hellbent smack in the middle, as well as several mentions of Blade III's Ryan Reynolds (who's getting married to Alanis, I know) and a DVD review of the lesbian horror flick Make a Wish (they had about the same reaction I did: check out my review HERE) . I'm thrilled to see Hellbent getting such a nice feature (it would have been nicer had they spelled writer/director Paul Etheredge-Ouzts's name right, but why be picky?), including some neat pics and details about the story. For those of you in NYC, Hellbent will finally be screening in the area at the Long Island Gay Lesbian Film Festival (I'm still looking into it, but I think Long Island is that enormous landmass between New York City and Fire Island): check out more details HERE. Hats off to the Fango fellas (and ladies) for a queer-drenched issue that threatens to put me out of business.

Halloween Goodies
Over on the Features page, I've added this year's collection of noteworthy Halloween costumes that I've culled (read: stolen) from this here inter-net (as an added treat, I've also re-posted last year's feature). In the next week or so I'll be posting some other Halloween treats, so stay tuned. Oh -- and thanks to those who have entered into the first CampBlood.org contest! We've got some folks locked in for the top prizes, but there's still a chance to win the lottery, so if you haven't given the trivia treasure hunt a try, check the post below for the kickoff clue and get sniffin'! For clues, that is. Put down the glue.

While I'm on the subject, I wanted to take the opportunity to welcome another of our new residents, Siouxshie, who now resides over on the Features page. Siouxshie loves long swims down the beach, sunsets, and feet.

Prom Night: Sloppy Seconds?
So it’s official – Prom Night is set for sequeldom. As reported by Done Deals, Sony Pictures bought the script for the sequel, which reportedly picks up where the original left off (uh… 24 years ago?), “with kids being tortured and killed during their prom”. I don’t know about you, but I smell an annoying rave guy, lots of Creed, at least one Paris Hilton reference, a cameo by a hip-hop star as a DJ, and Jamie Lee Curtis picking up 6 figures for showing her breasts. No wait – that was Julie Andrews in SOB… but you get the idea. Unless it’s cold, humorless, and Canadian, it’ll be a failure on all counts. In honor of this great news, I’ve written a review of the original (what the fuck took me so long?!), which you can enjoy HERE.

More Movie of the Week Madness
So I've added a few more MOTWs to the Movies of the Weak section, Someone's Watching Me! and Dark Night of the Scarecrow, both of which scored big points with this little dickens. You may have also noticed a few new characters lolling about on the site as of late, and I'd like to introduce the mistress of the MOTW section: her name is Misty, and she loves puppies, Anne Geddes photos, and the souls of young unbaptised children. Say hi, Misty!

Buzz to Do NYC. Again.
I’m thrilled to announce that I will be providing full coverage of the upcoming New York City Horror Film Festival, to be held in New York City (really, Buzz?) from Oct. 20-24. I went to just about everything at this fest last year, and it was a blast – this year’s lineup looks just as good, with screenings of the new Jeff Lieberman flick Satan’s Little Helper and the Tobe Hooper Toolbox Murders (read my positive – if poop-filled – review HERE), as well as Cube: Zero, The Ghouls, London Voodoo, commemorative screenings of Mad Monster Party and the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre (35mm print!), and a shitload of shorts and other events. I’ll be the guy in the Creature from the Black Lagoon costume selling Cracker Jacks outside the Tribeca Film Center fire exit. Check out the official festival site for more info!

CampBlood.org October Contest!
I’m pleased as a pig in warm shit to announce the first ever CampBlood.org Contest! Structured like a classic treasure hunt, the game goes like this: the answer to the clue below will lead you to a page somewhere within these hallowed pages of homo horror. Go to that page, locate the special contest ICON (check out the little fella at the right for a reference), and highlight the empty space directly BELOW the icon to reveal the next clue. The final clue will include an email address, which will act as the finish line. Long-time vets of the site may fare better then newbies, but it’ll be basic smarts on horror and faggotry that’ll really win you this kitty.

Speaking of kitty:
First Prize: Vintage Horror Movie Poster, CampBlood.org t-shirt, home-baked pumpkin bread
Second Prize: CampBlood.org t-shirt, kickass horror DVD, flavored condom
Third Prize: CampBlood.org t-shirt, scorn

To make things more even, First Prize will go to the first person to email the correct account with the keyword, while Second Prize will be selected at random from the next 5 entrants. Third prize will be selected from the rest. Happy hunting!

Kickoff Clue: This movie has the distinction of being the Gayest Horror Film Ever Made.

Buzz Cuts
We're thrilled to announce that our first multimedia content is now available for download and viewing pleasure. The first in what I like to call the CampBlood.org Original Ripoffs series, the Phone Bills from Hell video mash-ups pit damsels in distress against one another over our nation's trusty fiber-optic networks (the first two installments feature clips from Eyes of a Stranger and Are You in the House Alone?). For a taste of the madness, head on over to the Features page and warm up your download finger. Wait -- that didn't come out right...

The Pioneer Sallies Forth
One glance at the October calendar for the Two Boots Pioneer Theatre in Manhattan elicited a firm “Holy Shit!” from this jaded sissy: the loonies in programming have built a month of some of the sickest programming I’ve seen in years, including the new Dario Argento film (The Card Player), A full week of Douglas Buck’s unnerving and excellent Family Portraits: An American Trilogy (which features the legendary charmer Cutting Moments), a buttload of classics (The Hills Have Eyes, Evil Dead, The Corpse Grinders, Nekromantik 1&2, A Night to Dismember), and the pix de resistance, an Italian all-niter (with costume contest and free V-8 and bagels at dawn!) featuring Burial Ground, Gates of Hell, Demons, Beyond the Door 2, The Ghost, and Deep Red! I’ll be the guy with the bleeding eyes hunting for spilled Goobers in the back row.

Check out the Pioneer's official site for the goodies.

How to Make a Monster for TV
Considering the recent proliferation of made-for-television content on this here site, you’d think I’d be pickled about the new Dean Koontz-penned, Marcus Nispel-helmed, USA-funded Frankenstein pic. Sure, it’s got Parker Posey (minus her dog and her rockstar boyfriend), Vincent Perez as the monster, and the delectable Thomas Kretschmann as the doc (he played the sexiest rapist in history in The Stendahl Syndrome – granted, not a title one should be proud of), and sure I grew up reading Koontz books and actually enjoyed Nispel’s Chainsaw remake. But something just seems, well, “Mick Garris” about the whole thing, and I’m finding it hard to get excited. Please prove me wrong, USA Network! Pleeeeeeaaaaase!!

The Road to Hell is Paved with His Resumes
I went to a screening of the disappointing Robin Williams Sci-Fi thriller The Final Cut last nite (I know – masochistic, right?) and was delighted to see that Stefan Arngrim, the vogueing, mincing young incarnation of Satan from Frank LaLoggia's high-school hellfire masterpiece Fear No Evil, is alive and well and working in Canada. If you can conider working in Canada being alive, that is. Sure, his lone scene features him cornered in a dirty public toilet and sitting in a urinal, but we can’t expect him to be flouncing about in Bob Mackie-inspired gowns and raising the dead in every role, now can we?

Bloody Birthday!
I’d like to extend a big CampBlood happy birthday to the man who could arguably be considered the North Star of this twisted little homo horror constellation, Mr. Clive Barker. Writer, artist, filmmaker, and dirty sodomite, Barker has been blessing us with dark and twisted visions for decades now, and doesn’t look to be slowing down a titch. I hope that Clive will ring in his 52nd year in the way I imagine: with a cake baked into the shape of a human head and a hoarde of well-oiled hairless boys writhing about the feet of his throne. If not… there’s always Chi-Chi’s! Visit Clive’s official site for updates on what the man is up to.

CampBlood would also like to send bit wet birthday kisses to Chuckie, our faithful “Special” Correspondent (click HERE for his coverage of this year's ComicCon). Chuckie will be celebrating the special day with an extra 15 minutes of TV privileges and a Strawberry Quik with a heavy dose of lithium. .

Get Hard on DVD
Although I haven’t passed judgement on it yet, I wanted to direct your attentions to the recent DVD release of a gay serial killer flick called Hard, which involves a closeted cop investigating the murders of hustlers and call-boys. The movie’s official site looks pretty grisly (I of course mean that in the best possible way) and the DVD is available for direct purchase, if you like what you see. Watch this site for more on this faggy fright flick, including the dreaded Skullymeter…

I’ll Bury You Tomorrow – In Organic Popcorn!
If you’re in NYC, don’t forget to get your queer horror bloodrage on tomorrow nite at the Two Boots Pioneer Theater screening of Alan Rowe Kelly’s ode to funeral home mayhem, I’ll Bury You Tomorrow. What better way to ring in the best month of the year than with some gourmet pizza and necrophilia? For my review of this little-indie-that-could, click HERE, and for an interview with the delightful – and dangerous – Kelly, click HERE. For showtimes and more info on the screening, check out the Pioneer's official site.

Local Multiplex Does Good
The freaks and geeks who happened to catch the new John Waters flick A Dirty Shame last nite at 7:35 at the Union Square Regal Cinema Megaplex got an unexpected surprise: the previews weren't lousy, AND director/icon/confirmed bachelor Waters randomly appeared in the auditorium after the film to answer Q&A. I myself was utterly shocked when the little girl from the popcorn stand rushed in against the exiting crowd to tell us to sit our asses back down for a rap session with Waters, and the subsequent twenty minutes was an absolute delight as John entertained questions about sexual fetishes, David Hasselhoff, poop, and yes, his involvement in the upcoming fag-fest Seed of Chucky, which is apparently angling to knock Nightmare on Elm Street 2 off its pedestal as Gayest Horror Film Ever Made. Hats off to Waters for his continued affection for his fans and the seedier side of cinema, and to the powers that be at the multiplex for having Waters appear, not to mention for screening the NC-17 film in the first place.

Get Your Ju-On -- for Free!
The folks at Fearsmag.com are holding a giveway for tickets to a midnight screening of the new Grudge remake in NYC on October 19th! This fag will be there, believe you me. Click on this link to enter (and note how the page names call the movie "the Grunge". How cute.)

I’ll Bury You on October 6th
Ushering in the best month of the year with a bloody shriek, Alan Rowe Kelly’s I’ll Bury You Tomorrow will be playing at the Two Boots Pioneer Theatre in Manhattan on Wednesday, October 6th at 9:00pm. For a chance to see some bloody good twisted fun with a live audience and meet some of the deranged minds behind the movie, definitely get your chapped ass over to the Pioneer and park it in one of their seats. I’ll be there – and if my last encounter with Alan Rowe is any indication, I’ll be shitfaced. Just look for the guy with the beer helmet.

Zombies: Not Just in Chelsea Anymore
Here’s an odd one: a gay horror movie called Zombies (directed by Alex Dove) will be premiering in NYC on September 29th at Anthology Film Archives (most recently seen as the façade of Doc Ock’s lair in Spiderman 2). A production of Dead Guys Cinema (whose aim is to create a series of horror flicks with hot scantily-clad mens in the leading roles – yes please!!), the pic could be a hoot (check out the official site for more details on this and other releases). It could also be a total disaster – but hey, every day is a gamble, right?

I’ll be there regardless, ass-deep in Raisinets and loving life.. The flick is at 8:30 and is preceded by shorts and clips from another upcoming feature, Camp Daze, at 7.

More MOTW Fun!
Due to the unprecedented response to the Movies of the Weak section (you people are fucking zealots!), I've added a few more titles (click on the Main MOTW Page to access) as well as a few more Special Features. It looks like I'll be making this its own standalone section before too long, so thanks to all of you who wrote in with your suggestions for more titles. Christ, what have I gotten myself into...

Mission Accomplit!
So the site has officially been moved over to my new servers, and things are looking good. If you've linked to or bookmarked any of the old site pages other than the main page, please revisit the front page (www.campblood.org) and start nice and fresh, as all the pages are now on fancy new hosts. No more mysiteverizonassclownbullshit.com! It's all uphill from here, bitches....

Incoming! Site Updates!
Just a word of warning to let everyone know that I'll be moving to a new hosting service over the next few days, so there may be temporary outages here and there. Rest assured that this is a move in the right direction, as the new host will allow me to post fantastic stuff like multimedia content and other nifty shit. The site move will also be accompanied by a redesign of sorts, with a few new sections and new graphics! This fag's got goals, yo.

Made-for-TV Mayhem
I've gotten an amazing response to the new Movie of the Week feature (check out the Features page), so I thought I'd give it a mention here for those folks who may have missed it. Whether you're into Lip Gloss, Witchcraft, or Ugly Old White Men, this section will tell you everything you need to know about the golden age of hair spray and some of the career casualties that accompanied it.

Warning: this section contains gratuitous Valerie Harper references.

Resident Evil: Porklips
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