Best Celebrity Sighting
Depite the presence of Scream Queen Felissa Rose (who was in about 15 places at once, it seemed!), legendary director Tobe Hooper (Texas Chain Saw Massacre, Poltergeist) and his Toolbox Murders scribes Jace Anderson and Adam Gierasch (who also penned Crocodile for the poor guy), Squirm and Just Before Dawn creator Jeff Lieberman, and a host of new filmmakers and writers, the award for best celebrity sighting unexpectedly goes to Amanda Plummer. Now, first off, I was not expecting Amanda to be at the fest at all, and it was even more interesting that she was at the screening for Toolbox Murders, not the screening of Satan’s Little Helper, in which she stars. Second off, considering her patently bizarre performances as some of the most off-beat characters in modern cinema, I was shocked that she was anything less than absolutely insane -- in fact, she's a total darling, and adorable to boot!

Best Inappropriate Penis Reference
Felissa Rose of Sleepaway Camp. During a panel discussion on how censorship of horror films has changed over the years, Felissa made the offhand comment, "well, in 1981 I had a penis, so...", essentially closing the discussion and making the men on the panel visibly uncomfortable (in my revisionist mind they all crossed their legs in unison a la Clue).

Most Unpleasant Surprise
Believe it or not, in mere year 3 of the NYCHFF, many of the screenings were sold out, and people were turned away in droves for Toolbox Murders and Satan's Little Helper. The stellar attendance is a testament to the hard work of festival organizers, but will the fest be moved to a larger venue next year to accommodate the fans? I'd hate to think of anyone being denied their horror fix for a silly thing like fire code...

Features
(note: all ratings are out of 5)

Cube: Zero (Ernie Barbarash)
Paranoid, atmospheric, and ultimately quite clever, the third installment of the Cube series takes a unique approach at the original story, but unfortunately I can’t really say how without ruining the trick. Suffice to say that yes, there are more people stuck inside the infernal Cube prison mechanism who stand to suffer similar fates (vivisection, melting, garroting, gassing, etc.) – only this time, there’s someone on the outside who becomes involved. Intelligent and inconveniently idealistic Eric Wynn (the deceptively hunky Zachary Bennett) has somehow found himself working as a technician for the evil cube, which is a monolithic government psychological test that utilizes death-row volunteers as human lab rats who must try to find their way out of the maze without getting fricasseed. When Wynn accesses the dreams of one of the new subjects (the spunky Stephanie Moore), he realizes that not all of the participants are voluntary, calling into question the integrity of his job and his employers, as well as his own safety. Boasting some truly disgusting gore, a few well-executed suspense sequences (the scene where Eric and his fellow techie are forced to administer an “exit interview” of sorts to a potential cube-winner is particularly memorable), and a truly inspired ending, Zero is at times intriguing, scary, funny, and oddly beautiful. Director Ernie Barbarash (who wrote this film as well as the ill-executed second installment), who displays a visual sensibility and playful sense of humor akin to Guillermo del Toro, is definitely one to watch (his Q&A also revealed that he is a total geek and a nice guy to boot). Among the best films shown at the fest.

Toolbox Murders (Tobe Hooper)
I quite enjoyed Tobe Hooper's return to Home Depot-friendly horror, and had seen the film on the West Coast in the spring (for a positive full review, click HERE. Warning: review contains gratuitous references to my bowels).

The Last Horror Film (Julian Richards)
Movies about serial killers taping their exploits (a silly and illogical idea, considering that the vast majority of serial killers are not, surprisingly, filmmakers) have been churned out at an alarming rate, to steadily diminishing returns, to the point where the missing shocks are being replaced with humor and winking wit. Sure, it may be funny. And that’s something, I guess – but even a horror comedy needs to work on two levels to succeed, and here the ‘horror’ angle is sadly underexploited. Whereas other (successful) serial killer satires have used the form to comment on such things as consumerism (American Psycho), the media (Man Bites Dog), and domestic violence (Suburban Nightmare), The Last Horror Movie doesn’t comment on anything but itself. Without a point to be made or a sincere desire to shock, all you’re going to end up with is a handsome face spouting clever prose to a camera. Myself, I’d rather watch a horror film.

The Great American Snuff Film (Sean Tretta)
Nasty, humorless, brutal, and sick. That said, This “real-life” serial killer mocudrama isn’t as bad as I was fearing. Sure, it’s not exactly for everyone (half of the audience had disappeared by the time the lights came up), but I at least give first-time filmmakers kudos for setting a goal and sticking to it: they pull no punches and certainly don’t play it safe by tempering the gruesome material with undue humor or levity. That said, it’s really not all that scary – imagine watching two tied-up girls bleed on the floor for an hour and you’ve basically got it. Since I’m not a fan of exploitation or torture films, Snuff got old quickly, but I can appreciate that the filmmakers were able to exercise a certain amount of restraint (sadly, the belligerent techno score seemed intended to thrill the audience during the violent scenes rather than horrify them, a choice I didn’t quite agree with). The marketing gimmick of the movie (that it ends with a real-life snuff film) is probably believable enough for the kind of person who would enjoy sitting through that kind of thing in the first place.

Satan’s Little Helper (Jeff Lieberman)
Damn, was this a shame. Cloying, predictable, ugly, spectacularly unfunny, and flat as a pancake, Satan’s Little Helper fails as a comedy, a horror film, a satire, a family drama, and just about anything else resembling entertainment. And seriously, folks – I REALLY wanted to like this movie. I’m a big fan of director Jeff Lieberman’s old films (Blue Sunshine, Just Before Dawn), and the concept here (a kid unwittingly helps a psycho kill his neighbors on Halloween) is ripe for both thrills and laughs. But when the tape rolled, my eyes were soon to follow: a litany of stale jokes and poorly-executed sight gags pad a dull and unconvincing family drama, to steadily diminishing returns. Young Douglas (Alexander Brickel) is simply awful, but really can’t be blamed as he’s given very little to do other than gape and utter groan-inducing lines like “Wow! Satan’s cool!” over and over. The one saving grace of the film, Amanda Plummer (who takes a standard "dumb mom" role and makes it into something rather bizarre), is unfortunately bound and gagged through the most painful scene, leaving the two allegedly Hot Teens to carry the story, which neither is capable of doing. Not scary, not funny, not intellectually stimulating – not sure what they were thinking.

...Keep Your Shorts On

The New York City Horror Film Fest has a great reputation for supporting new talent, a fact that can be seen clearly in their short film programming. Not only does the NYCFF have no "premiere" restrictions on its shorts submissions (and, indeed, encourages filmmakers to skip festivals that demand premiere status), but they also select the "best of the fest" each year for a DVD (to buy the 2002 DVD, check out their website -- the 2003 edition is on its way), which is a great way for filmmakers to get increased exposure and coverage in actual film publications (i.e., not just gay horror websites).

That said, here are my unsolicited thoughts on the shorts in this year's fest. Sadly, I did not catch them all, but I compiled a good number into the list below. Overall I thought the quality was much better than past years both in terms of storytelling and technical chops. One complaint, though -- likely due to the rise in digital filmmaking, the shorts this year were anything but: as opposed to 10 or 15-minute pieces, we had a few rambling shorts that topped 30 minutes, all of which could have used a good trimming. The cost of shooting film applies a certain discipline to the process that video is lacking, and the result is that films shot on video run about 25% longer than they need to. Get in, say it, and get out!

Read on for my thoughts on the shorts...

Shorts
(note: all ratings are out of 5)

The Silvergleam Whistle (Mike Williamson)
Polished, well-directed, and scary, The Silvergleam Whistle plays like a good campfire tale: hushed and creepy, the story of a phantom train and its undead conductor is the perfect kind of story for the short format, and here is executed with a few genuine jumps and plenty of impressive chills. Sure, these people spent 10 times the cash as most of the other shorts, but at least the money ends up on screen. Extra points for a fabulous performance by Patty “The Bad Seed” McCormick and for gleefully fucking with kids.

Roommate From Hell (Allan Piper)
Try as I might not to like it, I found myself charmed by this screwball horror comedy, which pits an Odd Couple-like pair of roommates against a demon from hell. Surprise – sometimes it’s better to live with a demon than a slob! Boasting the high-point of the entire festival for me – a kitten that speaks Latin – Roommate won over this pickled bitch with its snappy writing and good spirit. With a budget, these kids might have genius in them…

The Shy Child (Matt Lambert)
Pitch-dark comedy and a dose of gore make for a creepy and memorable short in The Shy Child, one of the best shorts I saw this year at the fest. A social worker takes in a foster child who doesn’t like to eat in front of her. Big deal – kids are weird, right? But if he’s not finishing his dinner at the table, what’s he munching on late at night? A sustained atmosphere and a simple, uncomplicated presentation give this one its punch – and that ending! Sheesh…

Loopy (Seth Michael Donsky)
A fun psychosexual dark comedy, Loopy follows a recently-engaged man as he deals with his clingy mother, his defiant fiance, and the Big Bad Wolf costume he keeps in his closet. A keen story of sexual repression, Loopy is quite a fun watch (particularly for Plushies and Furries, I'd imagine) and boasts excellent production design and probably the best acting of any of the shorts that I saw. The horror is softened a bit by camp, but there are still some deliciously creepy moments.

Another Brick in the Wall (Ezzo Avenado)
A Mexican zombie comedy, Another Brick in the Wall is the first film (to my knowledge) to feature an undead Macarena danceoff. Well-filmed and brimming with heart (the story is rather touching, for gross-out comedies), Brick is what most comedy/horror films aspire to and few achieve: funny, gross, and emotionally satisfying. Think Dead Alive meets Kronos.

I’m Here (Brad Olery)
A great example of how a short can be simple and still satisfying. A woman wakes up locked in a trunk, and luckily discovers a cell phone, with which she makes a panicked call to her boyfriend. Trouble is, she has no idea where the hell she is. An interesting setup with a clever payoff, I’m Here was a simple story, simply told.

Mindgame (Jaime Neese)
Less a horror film than a lost episode of The Hitchhiker, Mindgame is nonetheless a cleverly-designed and well-executed little thriller. Boasting the only real queer content of the shorts that I saw (the psychic lead girl blackmails an executive with the knowledge that his male secretary is topping him off on a regular basis), Mindgame also features a fun twist and a satisfying resolution that will please folks who grew up on Alfred Hitchcock Presents and the like. A solid effort.

This is How My Brother Died (Will Spodnik)
Bolstered by a solid lead performance and some well-placed restraint on the part of director Spodnik, This is How My Brother Died is a traditional creepy kid story with a rather depressing twist. Unfortunately marred by a painfully stilted supporting performance and some shoddy images (the production values leave a bit to be desired), the film shows promise but doesn't entirely deliver. An interesting sight gag at the end involving a boy bouncing a ball against a wall gives a glimpse of what might have been; here the rest of the piece is too uneven to fully enjoy it.

Callous Sentiment (Vincent Grashaw)
A boy sees horrible murders enacted in the neighborhood playground and turns sinister; locals unsurprised. An interesting idea stops there, and the resulting film is disappointing (kids gazing with dead eyes into the camera just aren’t as scary since the GAP started using the same image to sell clothing in malls across America).

Yeti Vengeance (George Maranville)
A likeable send-up of the B-movie factories of Corman, Novak, and the like, Yeti Vengeance nonetheless gets too caught up in its own dressing and loses most of its steam. The film-within-a-film scenes are fun, the anal-retentive director (a recent film school grad) is likeable enough, and the ending – though predictable – is satisfying; but too many meandering minutes of characters driving and lounging about wear on the patience and turn what could have been a great, tight short into a so-so padded gag.

Conversations (Ben Rock)
Curtis Armstrong (yes, the Curtis Armstrong) stars as a mortician who has conversations with his – well… patients… long after such chit-chat is appropriate. Bogged down by an unnecessary police investigation, Conversations is much more effective when it’s just Josh and his clients shooting the shit. More Six Feet Under than Seven, but still well-made and memorable.

The Feast of Souls (Josh Smith)
Overlong, plodding, dull, boring… and redundant. This “short” about a group of thugs who hang out in the forest and are set upon by the ghosts of plantation owners and their slaves seems like it’s trying to make some sort of comment about the persistence of racism and the cycle of violence, but I honestly got so bored after the first 20 minutes or so that I don’t know. Occasionally lush and nice to look at, this one could be cut in half.

Hush Little Baby (Joey Evans)
Somebody has seen The Ring one too many times. All style, no substance, Hush Little Baby is visually amusing but lacks any sort of narrative – the nifty images of a weird little girl taunting a boogeyman are just that. While it would probably make for an interesting music video, without the music it’s pretty boring. A story – of any sort – would have helped.

Nightsweats: The Collectors (Veronica DiPippo)
While it sports some interesting effects, Nightsweats lacks atmosphere, tension, and a plot. Sure, a creepy and sexually aggressive white-trash mechanic can get nervous chuckles out of an audience, but so can a foul-mouthed talking baby – it doesn’t mean it’s good horror. More laughable than scary, this one failed to make much of an impression on me beyond “I wonder how they got permission to shoot at a body shop?”

The Reaper (Rick Danford)
Erg. Not much to say about this one – a “killer meets another killer” story that turns into something even more ludicrous, The Reaper wasn’t well-acted, well-shot, or particularly well-conceived. For some reason, after watching I felt like I had been standing in the bedroom of a New Jersey apartment complex for 20 minutes.

Panels, Hoopla, and Whoop-Dee-Doo
This year's fest also featured the honoring of Tobe Hooper with the NYCHFF Lifetime Achievement award, which is well-deserved and timely considering his recent return to genre filmmaking. Like last year's recipient, Tom Savini, Hooper was friendly and modest, and was kind enough to grant some rabid fans autographs and photos. Tobe also brought his young blood (Jace Anderson and Adam Gierasch, pictured above) up on stage with him, which was quite a nice gesture from the man who brought us Texas Chain Saw Massacre, Salem's Lot, Lifeforce, and many more.

The fest also held its annual panel discussion, which featured (among others) The Phantom of the Movies, Bill Lustig (the director of Maniac and the creator of the Blue Underground DVD label), Felissa Rose, Joe Bob Briggs, Malevolence director Stevan Mena, Fangoria's Michael Gingold, Jace and Adam, and festival director Michael J. Hein. The talk tended to return to the issue of censorship and changes in public perception of horror movies. Mr. Lustig certainly stole the show with his unfettered (and uncensored) accounts of the making of Maniac in New York City over 20 years ago.