Love = Doom
I caught The Rock and Karl Urban (of LOTR fame) talking about Doom. You know what Doom is, kids... Right? It's that mindless "shoot the f*ck out of anything in front of you" game. Anyways, during the Q&A an audience member inquired further about a possible "plot" (??!) and The Rock tried unsuccessfully to explain that Doom is really a LOVE STORY at heart! To which the sassy questioneer added, "between YOU and KARL!?", bringing everyone to a roaring laughter!! "Well", continued Rock, "Now Karl knows why they call me THE ROCK!" which resulted in the roof almost collapsing!

WHAT?

Chuckie's Loose Ends
That was all the panels I got to go to... After all, it was KIDS DAY at the convention (barf!) and this girl needed to do some SHOPPING!! So I spent the rest of the day hitting the floor and finding many interesting "things":

1. I found a poster advertising an official Furry party & Reception on Saturday! Gosh Darn It!! If only I had seen this earlier!

2. I discovered the next big art trend: Fairy Kittens! Yes! Believe it or not there were HOARDS of maidens (and a few sissies, like me) cooing and drooling over kitty cats with WINGS! And it doesn't stop here... Stick those f*cking wings on anything and these bitches would snatch it up! There were fairy mice, fairy bears, fairy toilets, fairy croissants ...YOU NAME IT!

3. Speaking of pussies... THE Puss in Boots was there! I melt when I see those big, dewy eyeballs! (sigh...)

4. Celeb sightings included: Peter Mayhew (Chewbacca) sans furry outfit and Margot Kidder (looking just a tiny bit withered with a line of possible fans, contemplating spending the $25 for her signature standing a safe distance away).

5. an actual Werewolf from Underpants (OH! I mean Underworld!)

6. Actual maquettes used in the film Corpse Bride (OMG! They are sooo coool!)

And to complete my coverage... Those live Sleestacks (Land of the Lost) that I ran out to see weren't soo "alive" when I got there! I was shocked and appalled to find only their HEADS displayed out on a table! OH! The injustice! Quick! Anyone know Harvey Birdman's phone #??

THAT'S IT! I hope you all choke on all the info I busted out here! AND if any of the details become tired, outdated, or flat out WRONG! F-YOU!! I made it allllll up because Buzz has my ass chained to a radiator in the basement of an abandoned animal hospital in Peru and I have to resort to capturing the wild guinea pigs that roam this forsaken place for food!! HELP! HELP!! AAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHH! I'll have to chew my feet off to escape!!! AAAAGHH!!! !

(ed: that concludes this broadcast from the deranged mind of our CampBlood "Special" Correspondent. We now return you to your regularly-scheduled bitching and gore)

It's only funny until a zombie loses an eye, kids...
(from Corpse Bride)

Night, Stalker
Next was a look at The Night Stalker, the new TV series with everyone's favorite Polish sausage, Carl Kolchak (played by cutie Stuart Townsend)! This looks to be a fun run to see! Producer Frank Spotnitz claims that every episode will give you something different! He wants to scare you a new and different way every time! (ed: and maybe now Stuart can take Charlize out for dinner, for once!)

Chuckie Drops Clive for Bruce
Ash vs Freddy vs Jason: If anyone asks this fucking question at one of the million and a half Bruce Campbell appearances again I will personally use my recently aquired SITH LORD POWERS and fry their asses! But what do you expect from an audience that idolizes a man with a different Tommy Bahama shirt EVERY SINGLE FREAKING DAY!! (But he's soo loveable, you can't help but let him!) However, I DID get to see a rare screening of his new film, The Man with the Screaming Brain, and.... well..... let's just say that I look forward to reading his new book! Ok, Ok! There are some truly AWESOME moments in this film, but honestly... this is not going to go down in history as one of his greatest works. Of course all you Campbell Crazies will get your hands on it and see for yourselves this Fall on DVD! AND... It's coming out as a comic book as well!! I say that Bruce is such an amazing guy that you should just go out and support him in any way you can! BUY ALL HIS STUFF! Bruce... If you're hearing this... Go into packing a Lifestyle brand! You have an incredible market just waiting to eat it up! I for one, look forward to your new line of Hawaiian shirts! :) By the way... His new book is currently at #20 on the NYTimes best-seller list!!

An official announcement from the director of "Underpants 2" oops! I mean Underworld 2... Len Wiseman: They did not try to rip off The Matrix by using trenchcoats! I'm sooo glad I sat in on this one!?? (zzzzzzzzzzzzz)

Yours truly ended the day drinking with his super-nerd buddies from PRISM comics! If you haven't been to their website, pay them a visit! They're an awesome organization that brings proper attention and visibility to LGBT comic creators, artists, writers, editors, etc.!! And don't you DARE say that you're a HORROR FILM fan and don't care about comics!! This fucking convention is FILLED with Horror Film fans, not to mention all the HORROR COMICS that have hit the stands lately!! There was even a freaking HAUNTED HOUSE that opened up just for this Con!! WORD UP, Homies!

(ed: word up, indeed... Chuckie still has one more update yet to come -- check back in, squids!)

In addition to the theatrical release for Dead and Breakfast, here I saw previews for several direct to video releases coming out soon including: Lightning Bug (with Queer as Folk's Hal Sparks), Voodoo Moon, Room 6, The Dark Room (with honorary lesbian Lucy Lawless), and All Souls Day! I even got to see clips from the new Dario Argento film, The Card Player. Each film was introduced and discussed with a few of the stars/director of each, ending with Mr. Bruce Campbell (in yet ANOTHER horrrendous Tommy Bahama/hawaiian shirt) to talk about Man with the Screaming Brain!! ...and once again, Bruce urged all those wanting to break into the movie biz that film is now more than ever a GLOBAL thing! For example, can't make it as actor in LA?? Go to Sophia, Bulgaria! You'll be one of 3 English speaking actors and have your pick of the litter! Seriously! It's the "new" hot spot for film-making (... At least for the Sci-Fi channel and SKIN-A-MAX films!!)! (ed: I'm quite sure we have no idea what those are, Chuckie.)

The King Hits the Throne
A Funny thing happened on the way to a forum... Immediately after listening to yet another panel here at the Mr. Campbell convention (he's at more signings/ screenings/ panel discussions than you can shake a stick at!) I had to visit the little general's room. Whereupon exiting and stopping briefly outside to consult my time schedule, Mr. Bruce Campbell strutted out right behind me, gathered his posse (that was standing next to me) and shot off to sign more of his new book, "How to Make Love the Bruce Campbell Way"! (You know... I was wondering what that awful smell was in the stall next to me...!!?)

Chuckie Stalks Clive Barker: Part 3
Later... Clive Barker was sighted last night at local gay bar/club, "Rich's" in the heart of Hillcrest (San Diego's answer to Chelsea in NYC)!! There he was living it up with his boyfriend and enjoying the artwork displayed from visiting gay artists from the Comicon. Yes folks, it was Superhero/Spandex night at Rich's complete with a costume contest (or should I say lack of costume!!) Also, strangely enough, CampBlood felt proud to see a full-on trailer for the film Hellbent, courtesy of HERE! Films! In fact, some of these drunk spandex sissies were shocked and awed as one next to me squealed, "OMG!... "gay" horror??!!" Yes folks, queer fear is coming out of the closet even to our very own!

(ed: Chuckie also had a face-to-face with my own personal hero, Thomas Jane, but he is apparently too shell-shocked to speak about it. But he did provide the gorgeous pic at the right...)

I have MORE to tell, but must rush off to see LIVE Sleestacks! (Land of the Lost) Can't wait!!! (ed: Honey, please do not feed the animals...)

Clive Barker: Jump Tribe, They Say
STOP THE PRESSES! Clive Barker is doing kids! Well, er.... I mean Clive is doing it for the kids?? Well, no...that's not it, either. I suppose I'll just say that among the many things Clive spoke about, was one particular project called "Jump Tribe". It's primarily a series of books for a younger demographic/ children of all ages that is based on various whimsical characters he's created via oil paintings. These characters range from a cute looking, two-legged elephant, to a giant, one-eyed vagina! He's working with artists to translate his paintings and ideas into dolls, animations, and yes...even his very own language! "Now children everywhere will be able to write profane letters to one another!" says Clive.

He's currently in the middle of book #3, and he's convinced that now, more than ever, people are craving fantasy. And not your typical "LOTR/ everyone is white and beautiful or ugly and evil" fantasy, but a richer/ newer frontier in this genre. YES KIDS! THERE WILL MOST DEFINITELY BE GAY JUMP TRIBE CHARACTERS!! No doubt Clive is a very sexual being. He talks about his characters resembling french ticklers, hanging out in leather bars and even "trunk fucking"!! Even his description of painting with sexy/ edible colors and his experience of squeezing paint from a tube made several Republicans turn red and leave immediately from the room! YOU GO, CLIVE!

Some of the other projects he's working on include: Midnight Meat Train (filming in Montreal and NY), The Plague (Winnepeg), Abarat, The Thief of Always (release next year), Weave World (a 6hr miniseries), and Age of Desire (story about an aphrodisiac that makes you go out of control)! ALSO: He's sending Pinhead to bed FOR GOOD next year in his new 500+page book called, "Scarlet Gospels"!!

Fact: Did you know he was paid a measly $21K to write AND direct Hellraiser?! AND the studio bought out all his rights! Those fuckers!! And finally, Clive announced he's LEGAL! He became an AMERICAN CITIZEN a mere two weeks ago!! (ed: glad to hear that David Armstrong finally made an honest woman of him...)

"HAIL TO THE KING!"
Next on my list was to pay homage to Mr.Big Chin, Bruce Campbell! The huge hall was packed early to welcome this geek-hunky-mega star! He and his Tommy Bahama hawaiian shirt charmed fanboys and girls alike! Of course he talked up his new book: Make Love the Bruce Campbell Way (ed: fanning self wildly), which he's signing copies of later at the convention. But he was there to promote all his recent projects including Sky High, a Disney film where he plays a gym coach at a school for young super heroes!. Looked cute in those gym shorts, but ....hmmmmm, not sold on this picture yet. He's also currently promoting his new DVD, The Man with the Screaming Brain, coming this October.

The floor opened up quickly to a Q&A session whereupon immediately a woman demanded, "BOXERS or BRIEFS!" where Mr.Campbell replied, "Meet me in the parking lot, and I'll show ya!" He also recalled some experiences with his recent film experiences for the Sci-Fi Channel as the network does all their filming in BULGARIA! Stories included making sacrifices to packs of wild/ hungry dogs and hunting down pink vespas to demolish! However, he really won the crowd over with his heart-felt sentiments concerning his frustration with Hollywood and how it's creatively bankrupt. Everything is a remake: Dukes of Hazzard, Bewitched, House of Wax, Charlie... The list goes on and on. Perhaps the most important fact of all (and perhaps the ONE thing that all us COMICON attendees should note) is that Hollywood has finally taken notice and all us fans need to wake up and realize our true economic power! Of course with power comes great responsibility - use it for good, folks, not for Hollywood horseshit!!

Henny Youngman Twitches in His Grave
The last panel I saw today: Tales from the Crypt! The panel was to promote the release of upcoming DVD, and attendance included the voice of the crypt keeper himself John Kassir. Here I learned he got the voice by mixing Alfred Hitchcock, Henny Youngman and a little Margaret Hamilton! The DVD will feature uncut and uncensored episodes, which were edited when played in syndication on cable (after its original run on HBO).

After walking some of the convention itself I crawled back upstairs for a peek at the COMICON FILM FEST! The evening program centered on Horror and Suspense! And a little gem of a film called The Silvergleam Whistle was nestled in the bunch!! I had to call it quits after that, as my malnourished and sleep-deprived body was quickly deteriorating.

BUT... there's more to come! (ed: Check back to see if Chuckie makes it through the weekend!)