Home

... consider this stocking stuffed. Again.

Yet again I have willingly wasted hours of my precious time to cull an assortment of atrocities from the World Wide Web for you, my cherished readership. Each items is actually available for purchase on the internet.

If you missed out on last year's fun, you can check it out HERE. The prior year is HERE. Shit, how long have I been doing this?!

Enjoy!

Deer Head Mounting Kit
The description for this little gem notes that it contains everything you'll need to stuff and mount a deer head, "except for the head". This may sound completely self-evident to you and me, but remember -- we're talking about people who shoot animals and put their body parts on their walls. You can never be too clear.

Vagina Tampon Case
Goes great with a Puckered Anus Buttplug Case or a Plush Penis Catheter Caddy.

George W. Bush Christmas Ornament
Nothing says "Happy Birthday, Baby Jesus" like hanging the likeness of the man responsible for the decline of the American empire on your Christmas tree.

Touch-A-Bodies
Sure, these are designed for the use of communicating with the victims of sexual abuse, and there's no way I'm making fun of that. But that's not to say that everyone else can't enjoy the simple pleasures of anatomically correct (and machine washable!) dolls.

Stuffed Siamese Twin Squirrels
Fresh from Chernobyl, these adorable squirrels are the perfect addition to any mantlepiece, coffee table, or nursery. Nutty!

Stuffed Cat
I fucking love eBay.

Incredibly Hulk Christmas Ornament
When I think Christmas, I immediately think "roided-out, vaguely retarded-looking green monster in Santa Hat emerging from my fireplace, ready to rip my family limb from limb".

Snake Guard
Nothing puts a damper on a holiday party like an uninvited Black Mamba. Make sure your family and friends are prepared for any unexpected slithering guests by giving them a Snake Guard, which oddly just looks like a cardboard box with pretty lettering on it. I feel safer already!

Inappropriate Baby Tees
You co-workers and church group friends will reel with laughter over these delightful baby tees. Nothing gets a Mommy and Me playdate party going like a "All My Daddy Wanted Was a Blowjob" or "I Ate My Twin" tee.

Mariah Cary Blow-Up Doll
Okay, it's not actually billed as a Mariah Carey blowup doll, but just look at the likeness. Goes great with last year's Mariah Carey Planet of the Apes Makeup Kit. That girl's a marketing genius!

Brokeback Mountain: The Prequel
I bet you didn't know that years before the gay cowboy drama Brokeback Mountain hit screens, automatronic monkey twins Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen released the tender, pre-teen prequel, How the West Was Fun. We know they're not goin' up there to play Barbies!

Fred Flintstone's Penis Boxers
I'll admit that the appearance or condition of Fred Flintstone's junk has never really crossed my mind. But given the below graphic, I think that he and Wilma had both better get to the Bedrock Free Clinic, stat.

George Bush "Top Gun" Figure
Despite looking exactly like a Team America marionette (beating them to the joke, oddly enough), the presentation of International Fratboy of Mystery George W. Bush as an action hero is just plain ridiculous. Although I'd kill to see Condi as Iceman.

Final Wipes
Ah, tried and true -- clean and refresh your rosebud with The Final Wipe hypo-allergenic personal wipes. As their slogan says, "Feel Like #1 -- Even After Going #2". Your friends won't stop thanking you, until their buttholes dry up and fall out of their asses.